you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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