Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
