Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
