His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
