I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
