Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just cropdusted the office
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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