We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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