so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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