im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
