some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
