I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
