Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
