and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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