Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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