A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
