I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
