wanna go halves on a baby?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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