It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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