Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
