I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I am morally bankrupt
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
