got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
