You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
where does the pee come out of this thing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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