she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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