Having a random hookup so left but love u
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
