my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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