Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
