Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
