Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
