I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
