just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
