Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can you repeat that, but with context?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
