he thought i was a dude.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
