She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
