He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
