We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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