; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
