His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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