you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
