I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
