I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
