they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We smell like vodka and hangover
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