So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
