Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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