True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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