Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
