I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
