thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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