why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
