u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"