Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
