Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?