I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
