Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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