i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Sponge bath it is.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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