They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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