Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
