How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
