Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So many bounce houses so little time
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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