We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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