i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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