i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Houston, we have a blender
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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