for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
