He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
