I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
