it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
